


Steadfast and Fragile

by BelowBedlam



Series: Lights in the Galactic Dark [2]
Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Affection, Conflict Resolution, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Gen, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 04:22:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10528869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BelowBedlam/pseuds/BelowBedlam
Summary: Juju is furious with Jaal after confronting Aksuul.





	

Jaal has asked too much of her.

In the aftermath of facing Aksuul, Juju feels numb. Her body pushes through the motions- walk, sit, check her guns, hold on when the shuttle takes off. They take the wayward Ama Darav siblings back to their mothers, who swarm and smother them before smacking them about, scolding. No one says anything about one brother’s wound, they simply take him away to examine and dress it. Jaal herds his family inside, voice booming with joy.

Juju and Drack wait for Jaal outside of his family compound, the old krogan standing still as stone which Juju learns is just his way. She, on the other had, can’t stand still, pacing a terse line in front of him. Her eyes feel hot, she wants to rush off into the unforgiving Havarl jungles and kill whatever is out there. There’s always something out there, always with bared teeth and ready to strike, which is exactly how she feels right now.

“Relax, kid,” Drack says, his eyes peacefully closed. It's hard to think that an hour before, he ran through Roekaar like water. “It worked out.”

Juju waves him off and keeps pacing. All she can see in her mind’s eye is her gun to Aksuul’s head, her trigger finger frozen as the bastard takes his shot at Jaal. 

 _If he shows up, follow my lead_ , Jaal had told her. _Please, dearest. Trust me._

And she had, and it worked. No matter what else she thought of it (stupid, reckless, blinded by the need to see the good in everything), it worked. But her heart had dropped into her stomach when Aksuul’s gun went off, and it’s still there. It’s still fucking there.

The compound doors open and shut, but Juju doesn’t register it until Drack scoffs and says, “There’s the wanna-be martyr.”

“Jaal!” Juju whirls toward him, and at first Jaal flashes her a wide smile before he realizes she’s furious. He glances at Drack. “That thing you did to your brother. You hit him, then you hugged him. What was it?”

Confused, his fuchsia brow furrows. He waits a second, deciding if she’s asking exactly what she’s asking. He'd told her that while he’s learning human expressions of emotion, he wonders why they don’t just say what they mean. Why the runaround. Why the insistence on being anything but clear.

“It is blame, and forgiveness,” he says slowly. “He had done something stupid, and he should know it, but he should also know that I had come to bring him home. That I am here for him. No matter what.”

Juju nods, coming closer. “Oh, I get it.”

She swings, and hits him in the chest. The impact makes such a loud thud that for a moment, Juju imagines the entirety raucous jungle of Havarl to have gone quiet to watch. In reality, the forests scream about as loud as she does on the inside.

Jaal grunts, and stumbles back a step. Hurt twists his face before his blue eyes widen in understanding. He straightens up.

“You fucking bastard,” she hisses. “You-”

“-You have one more,” Jaal interrupts softly. This time he sees her swing, has time to brace himself, but lets the blow knock him back an extra step. He clutches his chest where she hit him, and coughs. Then he quickly recovers, rolling his shoulders, and takes a few tentative steps towards her. The hard cartilage ridges on his chest were resilient even without his armor. Even in her own, they both know she’s hardly hurting him.

“Come.” He opens his arms. “Come here.”

“I watched my mother die,” Juju says as she shrinks away from his embrace. “I watched my father die. I couldn’t save them, I never had a fucking chance. You made me watch...god, Jaal. He could have killed you and you know it,” she jabs her finger at him and he stands very still, arms open. “Hell, if he _had_ killed you, it would have made your fucking point. And you had me stand there and watch that piece of shit decide your life for you.”

“You are absolutely right,” he says, nodding earnestly. “And I am ever-grateful of the faith you have in me.” The gentle rumble and lilt of his voice is sympathetic.

“Everything in me said to kill him where he stood.” Her hand goes to the pistol at her hip. She’s carried Nicki since she joined the Alliance. A gift from her father. It’s a modded masterpiece now.

Jaal drops his gaze, lingering on the gun’s black sheen. “Yes. You say you are not a soldier, dearest, but in you I see the wrath of a warrior.”

“Don’t do that to me,” Juju growls. "Don't butter me up."

He frowns deeper and tilts his head. “What would you have me do?”

“Apologize!”

“No,” he says firmly. “I am not sorry for what I did. You know that I am not. But, I’m sorry for upsetting you. Truly.” He puts both hands to his chest before opening his arms to her again. “Come here.”

Juju shakes her head. Hot, angry tears roll down her face when she closes her eyes. “I won’t be made helpless by anyone ever again, Jaal. You are part of my team, part of this stupid, goofy little family, and I won’t stand and watch _any_ of you...I won’t do it. I won’t do it.” Her voice breaks and she shrugs, opening her eyes. “Nope. Won’t do it. Will. Not.”

She turns her back on him and nods at Drack, who takes a few lumbering backward steps and knocks on the shuttle hull. The door swings open. Drack lets her in first, then fits himself into the opposite side. They wait for Jaal, who sits next to Juju. As the shuttle takes them back to the Tempest, he looks anywhere but at her.

 

...

 

Humans are about as exhausting as they are utterly beautiful. Jaal doesn’t particularly mean in appearance, though he finds their forms infinitely interesting, most notably in the hair that sprouts from their heads, their noses, the five fingers with clear, flimsy nails. What strikes him is the sheer range of their emotions, and the seemingly infinite ways they express. Or, refuse to express. They are a lot like the Angara, except for their insistence on walls. It is beautiful to watch them, their small bodies ever-animated, screaming their feelings as loudly as their utter _refusal_ to feel.

In truth Jaal finds all of the Milky Way species fascinating, lovely, but he finds himself fixated on humans. Or, one of them.

Pathfinder Ryder does not speak to him for what seems like a very long time. They leave Havarl and make their way back to the Nexus, and the Tempest runs as it usually does. Smoothly, jokes flying to and fro, a bit of bickering. The alien ship seems largely harmonious, and it comforts Jaal. They are something like a strange family, Ryder was right.

“You seem subdued, Jaal,” Lexi says as she wraps up a routine eval. Her steady fingers brush the scar on the side of his face from the bullet that should have ended him. Easy head shot. But Jaal had seen the uncertainty in Aksuul’s eyes. Aksuul had been dependent on Ryder to shoot him. He believed too deeply in his own lie that the humans were base savages.

But then, Ryder had admitted to wanting to stoop to that base. In her eyes he’d seen the need, much like when she’d shot the Kett priest.

“I am...processing, Dr. T’Perro,” he sighs.

Lexi nods. “As you should. That little rescue mission put you under immense stress. Have you spoken to your family? Are you sleeping?”

“Yes, but it’s...the Pathfinder won’t speak to me.” He looks down. “It bothers me more than perhaps it should. But I care about her.”

Lexi smiles sympathetically. “It hurts when our loved ones are angry with us. And I assume it hurts you even more because it is confusing. Humans are-”

“-infuriating,” Jaal laughs. “And strange.”

“Trust me, you aren’t the only species to think so,” Lexi chuckles. “Just give her time. Ryder has a tendency to clam up. She’s had a lot of pain and suffering thrown her way in an extremely short amount of time.”

“Has she...said anything-”

“You know I can’t tell you that.” Lexi pats his shoulder. “You’re all set here, Jaal. While on the Tempest you should focus on reducing your stress as much as possible. Read the emails I sent everyone. And give the Pathfinder time.”

 

...

 

The Nexus is louder each time Juju sets foot on it. More and more people recognize her and greet her; more and more people glare. Juju doesn’t mind either way, she didn’t choose this. She does the best she can because she can. Ryders aren’t punks and they don’t punk out. Plus, she’s learning from SAM. Things her father hid away.

She goes to visit her brother before she does anything else. She’s made that clear to both Tann and Addison. Neither of them like it, though Tann at least feigns sympathy. Again, Juju doesn't care. Her first encounters with both of them still burn the back of her throat. 

Lorenz looks peaceful. Juju sits clasping his hand for a solid twenty minutes, chatting innocuously about life on the Tempest. She keeps her missions to herself because she speaks aloud. She has spoken with him through SAM but she won’t do it again; lying to her brother has never been her forte' and keeping their father's death from him still makes her want to cry.

While she chats, she watches the newly-woken get their bearings, sipping coffee, retching into buckets, looking around with sleepy, glassy eyes, and she smiles if those eyes fall on her. They’re about to get a good dose of bad news: might as well see a smiling face beforehand. _Hey, sorry all the golden worlds are fucked. There’s a species and a half out to kill us. The other Arks are missing. I’m working on it though._

The first time she returned to the Nexus, after Eos, she felt at ease but now, Juju finds that she prefers the Tempest. She kisses her brother on his clammy forehead, does what she needs to do with the Nexus leadership, runs by SAM Node, and gets back to her ship.

Her ship. That’ll never get old.

 _You have new emails, Juju_ , SAM says almost immediately. She takes them in her room. The first is from Drack with more pictures of artillery. This one doesn’t even have a subject line, just a bunch of attachments. She saves it in the folder she’s made for him, to look at later. The second is from Jaal, subject line: _Communication In Respectful Earnest, To My Dearest._ Time-stamped around the time they docked on the Nexus, so a few hours ago.

Juju shakes her head, hovering over the link. She has ignored him since leaving Havarl because she doesn’t know what to say. Or why it hurts her so much, when she understands why he did it. It wasn’t about her. It was about his family, and his people, and she’d understood that going in. She’s still pissed. He is so free with himself, so willing to make connection; he has become important to her, and that always is liable to hurt.

But she misses her friend.

“Fuck." She stares at the subject line until the screen swims and her eyes dry out. "Fuck it,” she mutters, and opens the email.

 

 _Dearest Jubilee-Jude_ ,

_I have been told to give you time. I want, in all things, to respect you, so I hope that sending this message doesn’t offend._

_First, I never thanked you for helping me retrieve my siblings. Thank you. You don't know how honored I am to have had you at my side._

_Second, I know you understand my decision. You're very intelligent. But I hope you can eventually accept that I stand by it wholeheartedly though I knew that I could have very well died from it. The rifts in my people need to be sealed, and gambling one life in attempt to do so is worth it. I have also been told your own histories reflect this, time and again. You, I believe, also understand this personally._

_However I did not mean to remind you of the people you’ve lost, or make you feel helpless, and I am sorry for it. You said that you would never again stand by and watch the people you care about die. Well, I am here, and not dead, and I will wait for however long it takes for you to find it in yourself to forgive me. If you forgive me. But please, precious Jubilee. Your friendship means more to me by the day. You have become very dear to me; already I miss your laughter. I would not lose it forever over this._

_Your dearest,_

_Jaal_

_P.S. (this feature of letter-writing is fascinating to me) I have watched you die. I have seen you, dead. I was helpless, and it completely devastated me. But you had no choice but to risk your life. Please understand me in a similar way._

_Jaal_

 

"Fuck him."

Juju wipes her eyes and stands up from her desk. SAM is deathly silent in her head, intent on learning as he says. The glow of his holograph pulses a steady, calm blue. She can almost feel his anticipation. God, it’s strange to think of an anxious AI. Still strange to think, knowing that SAM can see everything in her head.

She clicks over to Jaal’s comm. “It’s Ryder. My quarters when you have a minute? Won’t take long.”

Five minutes later, he’s knocking at the door. His static greets her as she opens it, humming over her face and neck, her exposed forearms. It’s her biotic ability that makes her so sensitive, Lexi told her. Both Juju and her brother are powerhouses, though Lorenz had always been the biotic golden child. Jaal makes the hairs stand up on the back of her neck in a way she’s still adjusting to. Lorenz would tell her to just open and be receptive to it.

Jaal looks sheepish, but hopeful, bright blue eyes intent on her. "I'm glad to see you."

Juju stares back, trying to find something to say. Something to match the casual eloquence of his letter.

“Ugh, fuck,” is what she decides on, rolling her eyes and stretching up on her tiptoes. Jaal bends when she pulls at his shoulder, and hums when she kisses him firmly on the cheek, just next to the bullet scar. “You made your point, Casanova."

“Hmm, you never gave me the hug,” Jaal shoots back before sweeping her up in his arms. She yelps and he laughs, squeezing her as tight as he can without hurting her.

“Sorry I hurt you, dearest,” he says as he sets her down. “I care for you too much to ever mean it. But I did what I thought was best and I can't apologize for it.”

“I know, Jaal. I'm sorry I made it about me. It wasn’t about me. You did an extremely brave thing and it paid off. I should be proud- I _am_ proud of you.” She says it with her eyes low, still unused to his open expressions of affection. It's even worse when he says it aloud. They are friends, but still his declarations make her blush. She taps him lightly on the stomach with her fist, the contact snapping a weak jolt of static against her knuckles.

He reaches for her, lifting her chin up with his large finger to catch her eye. “Perhaps I’m just trying to keep up with you, Pathfinder.”

“God, please don’t,” she makes a face, laughing. “It’s horrible and they don’t pay me near enough. And you know, I'm pretty sure they don't like me? Which is fine, I don't like them either, but _Jesus_.”

Jaal grins, squeezing her hand in his. "Will I see you later? I have a gift for you but I...how does Liam say it, _don’t wanna overdo it._ ”

She can’t help but smile back. Of course he has a fucking gift. “Yeah, later. I’m gonna take a nap. Over-stimulated. The Nexus was a lot. Lorenz is doing fine,” she adds before he can ask. “But it’s just always hard, seeing him like that and having to leave him.”

“From what you’ve told me, and from being your twin, he’s a strong man. He will persevere.” He presses a quick kiss to her forehead. “Rest yourself.”

Jaal leaves her then, drifting through the galley before heading back to the tech lab, no doubt.

“Did you catch all that, SAM?” She closes the door. "Did that...update your reserves on the power of friendship or...whatever?" 

A pause, and Juju snickers because its as good of a 'fuck you' as she'd get from the AI. _Yes, Juju. Though I hope you did not forgive him for my benefit._ Aside from the SAM and Jaal, Juju only ever hears anything but “Pathfinder” or “Ryder” from anyone else.

“You already know I didn’t,” she says. No, she’s already bonded to the damned bleeding-heart Angaran. Only known him a few months, but he has a way about him. Even with all the static. It's all the pretty words and endearments. The open honesty. The deep voice doesn't hurt, either. Or the hugs.

 _Jaal is now singing in the tech lab_ , SAM says.

It makes her smile as she dims the lights in her room and lays down, tries to get some rest.

**Author's Note:**

> When the BroTP is still a sapfest because Jaal Ama Darav is actually a pink stick of cotton candy. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, please let me know what you think!


End file.
